When the words “calm down” makes things worse

A gentle hello to you this week.

Have you ever had one of those days? The ones where everything feels like it’s going wrong, chaos is breaking out left and right and in the middle of it, you tell your child to “calm down”… only for things to get worse?

I’ve been there too. And it’s not because we’re “bad parents” (though it can feel that way in the moment, I’ve definitely felt like that). It’s because we’re human. We have limits. And many of us never had a co-regulating example to learn from growing up.

The truth is: children can’t regulate without us first co-regulating with them in a healthy way.

So the next time chaos falls upon you, try this:

🩵 Speak in a calm tone

🩵 Take deep breaths together

🩵 Simply sit beside them in silence

And if things feel too heated, give yourself permission to step into another room for a short breather before returning.

Presence works better than pressure.

When things get overwhelming, for them or for you, just skip the words. Offer your calm instead.

With warmth and mindfulness,

Michelle Lim | Reparenting Coach

I help you break free from generational trauma and nurture a new cycle of emotional safety by reparenting your inner child.

P.S. Ready to explore whether reparenting coaching is right for you? Ready to break some generational trauma cycles?

Book a free 30-minute Healing & Growth Call. No pressure, just a heart-to-heart:

👉 Schedule here 🩵

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