When Numbness is the Nervous System’s Cry for Safety

Hello MindFull Readers,

Somewhere in the first week of April this year, I wrote about becoming my mother’s caregiver for a short time. Nineteen days, to be exact.

Nineteen days that reactivated old wounds and re-lit familiar fires.

During that period, my mother stayed in our family home. What unfolded was, unfortunately, not surprising especially for those of you who’ve followed my journey with her. There was toxic behaviour, emotional manipulation, the cold shoulder, and even an attempt to pit my helper and me against one another.

But things escalated in a way I didn’t anticipate. One afternoon, the environment became so hostile that our helper (a kind, hardworking woman who has become part of our family) collapsed into a seizure-like state. I caught her in my arms, unsure if she was having a heart attack, unsure of what was happening… but moving quickly, automatically.

In that moment, something in me shut off.

 My brain snapped into logistics mode:

• Is she breathing?

• Where are the kids?

• How fast can I get her to a hospital?

• What needs to happen right now?

And I did it. I did all of it, together with my husband.

Calmly. Systematically.

I even physically positioned myself between my mother and the rest of the household, trying to shield our helper from further psychological harm.

My husband made the ambulance calls. We got her help. I gathered the kids. I ensured they were okay.

And then I told my brothers, clearly and firmly, that they needed to take over. That our mother could no longer stay in our home. That it was their turn now and that they need to start initiating actions.

It wasn’t until much later that night, after the hospital run, after calming the girls (thankfully our son wasn’t home that day), after sitting down with my husband for a quiet debrief, that the emotional questions started to creep in.

💭 Why didn’t I cry?

💭 Why did I feel… numb?

💭 Why was my body cold when I’ve always been someone who feels everything first?

Where I used to collapse under the weight of emotional chaos, this time I stepped into it with clarity.

Where I used to rage or break down or freeze, this time I created structure.

Where I used to carry it all alone, this time I said “enough” and passed the responsibility back.

And maybe… maybe that numbness wasn’t failure. Maybe it was the nervous system’s way of protecting me, a cry for safety, not a sign of disconnection.

There’s still more I’m unpacking. I’m still processing the guilt, the grief, and the grief beneath the numbness. But I wanted to share this with you now, even in its unfinished state, because I know so many of us are in the in between:

If that’s you, if your healing looks different than you thought it would, please know you’re not alone. You’re not doing it wrong. You’re surviving in the only way your body knows how right now.

And that, is another chapter of reparenting.

Forward this to someone who might need to hear they’re not alone in their healing.

With warmth and mindfulness,

Michelle Lim | Reparenting Coach

I help you break free from generational trauma and nurture a new cycle of emotional safety — by reparenting your inner child.

P.S. Ready to explore whether reparenting coaching is right for you?

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