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When Co-Parenting Fails: Our Journey of Parenting Alongside a Narcissist
When co-parenting isn’t on the table, what do you do? Our story might help you find some answers.
Michelle Lim
September 30, 2024
Hello MindFull Readers,
Remember last week’s newsletter, when we tackled the big question: “Is it possible to co-parent with a narcissist (ex-)spouse?”
The answer was a tough, but clear, “NO.”
But I want to dive deeper into that today because, even though co-parenting may be out of the question, there are still ways to navigate this difficult situation. I call it “parenting alongside a narcissist.”
Why? Because a narcissistic (ex-)spouse will never truly collaborate with you in the best interest of your child. They’re not interested in compromise. As we discussed last week, a narcissist tends to weaponize their children to maintain control and power. They might act as though they’re doing things for the child’s “best interest,” but their actions don’t support that—especially in the long run.
So, how do you make this work when co-parenting isn’t on the table? My husband and I have learned a few key strategies to “parent alongside” a narcissistic ex-spouse, and I’d like to share them with you ⬇⬇⬇:
💬 Communicate openly: It’s so important to talk through the experiences you’ve both had with your ex-spouse and how that has shaped your relationship. This can be a painful process because a narcissist often instills fear and pressure in so many ways, and it takes time to heal.
💙 Be patient with each other: Healing from these experiences takes time, and each of you will process things differently. Our previous marriages brought different challenges, and understanding that has been crucial for our own relationship.
🚫 Set firm boundaries: You need clear and strong boundaries between the two households—yours and your ex’s. Early on, we struggled with the ex-spouse’s control creeping into our family unit. Now, we prioritise our family’s values and protect our space.
🦋 Mindful communication with the kids: We’re careful when we talk to the children about their other parent. We never label the ex as “bad,” but we do teach our kids about boundaries. They know it’s okay to say “no” when something doesn’t feel right, and we help them understand when bad behavior crosses a line, especially if it could harm them.
If you, or anyone you know, are navigating something like this, please be kind to yourself. It’s one of the hardest things to manage, especially with children involved. It’s like an emotional Olympics! Surround yourself with supportive people who understand what you’re going through.
As always, I’m here. If you have questions, or just need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate to reach out. Your heartfelt thoughts are always welcome.
With warmth and mindfulness,
Michelle Lim | Reparenting Life Coach - I help you break the generational trauma cycle and support inner child healing so that you can live your life to your fullest potential.
P.S.: If you'd like to set up a free, 30-minute, no obligation, Healing & Growth Call with me to explore whether I am the right Reparenting Life Coach for you please book a slot at this link https://calendly.com/michelle-lim-tmp/healing-and-growth-call
Michelle Lim | Mother of 3 | Multi-Coach | Founder of The MindFull Parent | Writer | Preschool Educator | Babywearing Specialist | Breastfeeding Mentor
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