Unlocking Your Child's Love Language: Understanding Their Needs 💖

Hello MindFull Readers,

As many of us know, there are a total of five love languages: Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and Physical Touch.

If you are not sure what they might be, take a quick quiz here to find out what it might be.

Now, the next question is, do you know what your child’s love language is? Below I will be giving some examples of how you can read some of the actions your child displays when they need some love.

1. Acts of Service:

Though some parents may see this as ‘spoiling’ their children, and yes, sometimes it seems quite a grey area that you thread. However, when children ask you for little ‘favours’ such as, “Please could you help me tie my hair”, or “Tuck me into bed please!” or “Could you fix this toy for me?”

Sometimes you may feel like they’re making a lot of requests, but we could reframe our mindset and see these requests as asking for little portions of love.

Dont’s:

Although I often encourage you to reframe the mindset into a more positive setting, do also keep in mind the boundaries and values you have set for your family. If you are picking up after your child too often and you feel that he/she is overstepping their boundaries, then just keep in mind that a thoughtful response to deny an ask is okay.

2. Receiving Gifts:

Children who appreciate this love language often pay a lot of attention to how a gift is presented and often remember who gave it to them for a long time. Children who appreciate this type of love language more have a harder time throwing things away even when they haven’t touched them in ages.

What I sometimes do is as simple as leaving a big cardboard box in the living room for my kids to engage with their imaginative play which they absolutely love.

Don’ts:

Don’t be tempted to ‘over-gift’ things to your child by solely showering them with this love language. Give age-appropriate things and it doesn’t always have to cost money either.

Expressing love through excessive gifting often happens with divorced couples as they try to compensate for the hard times and/or win their child over to their side. Let’s try to be mindful about that and to avoid it.

3. Quality Time:

Often a child who appreciates quality time will express some of the following, “Come play with me!” or “Mummy, I want to show you something I made!”

If you notice that your child is displaying this kind of behaviour, then try your best to be 100% present during those moments. Always let your child be the one to choose the activity and let them be the lead during that time.

Don’ts:

Just because this may be your child’s love language doesn’t mean your life gets put on hold because the crunch for time is what a lot of parents feel these days. Quality time is usually not a long period of time. Instead, it can be as short as 10 to 20 minutes when you are fully committed and not distracted by other factors.

4. Words of Affirmation:

More than often my daughters pull me in to tell me sweet little things such as, “Mummy, you are the most wonderful person in the world!” This may be an indicator that Words of Affirmation may play a big role in your child’s love language. Every single day I leave handwritten notes of affirmation in their lunch bags that my children bring to school and it makes them feel loved.

Don’ts:

With children that tend to take words very seriously, be really mindful of the way you speak to them, because words can quite literally make or break them. To them, a negative remark holds as much weight as a positive affirmation, or perhaps even more.

5. Physical Touch:

You know how some kids run and clamber all over you the moment you walk through the front door, and some just don’t? If your child belongs to the first category then you may have a child who’s love language is Physical Touch.

When you notice your child is a little down, offer them a hug or a hand to hold on to. This spells “I love you” to them without even saying a single word. Or even offering some snuggle time randomly just to have that physical contact fills their love meter significantly.

Don’ts:

Beating or spanking is harmful to anybody. However, it creates an even bigger negative impact on children who have Physical Touch as their love language.

Also, to all the dads here. Do not stop hugging your daughter as she grows up. It is perfectly normal and healthy to show physical affection to your daughter. You can make it as simple as a good morning and good night hug or a quick kiss on the forehead before going to school.

Now remember, even though your child may respond better to certain love languages and help you manage their behaviour, a child should still receive love in all five of the love languages as much as possible.

Have an awesome week ahead you all and stay mindful!

If you'd like to set up a free, 30-minute, no obligation, discovery call with me to explore whether I am the right Reparenting Life Coach for you then please don't hesitate to book a slot at this link https://calendly.com/michelle-lim-tmp/discovery-call.

With warmth and mindfulness,

Michelle Lim | Founder of The MindFull Parent | Reparenting Life Coach

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