The 4 Words That Mattered More Than Exam Results

Hello MindFull Readers,

This week’s newsletter is especially for my Asian readers and perhaps it may resonate with others too.

Big A, our 10-year-old, just finished her term three exams in Primary 4. Some of the results were worrying, but not in the way you might expect. Instead of feeling fear or disappointment, I found myself tracing back my own childhood. What it was like to struggle academically. How I once believed results defined my worth. And how I promised myself I would never pass that burden onto my children.

Before I even spoke to Big A, I reminded myself: results aren’t the point. The journey of learning is.

Because for over a year, we’ve noticed troubling signs. On exam papers and in her diary, she’s written words like “I am stupid.” We never use negative names at home, so where were these feelings coming from?

After a long conversation this is what we found:

1. She was too shy to ask questions in class.

2. Focusing was hard with nearly 40 students around her.

3. She wanted more space and time to think when studying with us.

4. She dreaded homework because it felt like an endless, heavy task.

Here’s how I chose to respond:

1. Encouraged her to keep trying to ask questions when she could.

2. Apologised for the times we hadn’t given her enough space to think, and promised to work on it.

3. Acknowledged her dread around homework, then explained its purpose and promised to go through it with patience.

4. Reminded her that we were in this together, and we would keep trying side by side.

And slowly, something shifted.

She started taking beautiful notes in class. She brought home her homework without being asked. She even initiated her own study time.

But the most beautiful part? When I asked how she felt about this new rhythm, she said: “I finally feel smart.”

Those four words meant more to me than any grade ever could, because I hope with these newfound feelings her learning will become one filled with joy.

With warmth and mindfulness,

Michelle Lim | Reparenting Coach

I help you break free from generational trauma and nurture a new cycle of emotional safety by reparenting your inner child.

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