Teaching kids when it’s okay to be not okay

A family story about apologies, boundaries, and building true connection.

Author

Michelle Lim
October 06, 2025

To my fellow travellers breaking cycles,

Last week, something small happened at home that struck a big chord.

Big R threw a toy, and it accidentally smashed our wedding photo frame. Shards of wood and splinters everywhere. Big A narrowly missed getting hurt. He muttered “sorry” under his breath without looking at me, but it didn’t feel real.

I stayed calm to assess safety, cleaned it up, but inside I felt a sting. Not just from the broken frame, but from the lack of genuine remorse.

Later, I realised why. Growing up, so many of my hurts were brushed aside. When precious things (my safety, my feelings) were broken, acknowledgement rarely came. That longing for repair — to hear, “I see the impact of what I did” — is still very much alive in my inner child.

Something broken can still become meaningful through acknowledgment and repair.

The reparenting wisdom in this moment:

  • A true “sorry” isn’t just a word, it’s a bridge.

  • Children need guidance to learn accountability without shame.

  • Empathy sounds like: “I’m sorry I broke this, and I see how it upset you.”

So I sat with Big R and explained why I didn’t have the mental space to talk right after the incident. I also told him I was upset and sad about what happened.

Together we explored how he was feeling, what he could have done differently, how his sister might have felt in needing to soothe him, and what it means to repair after harm rather than glazing over it with an “it’s ok.”

I also took a moment with Big A. She has such a big heart, and her instinct was to comfort her brother right away. I gently reminded her that while kindness matters, there are times when it is okay to be not okay. Boundaries matter too. We talked about how it’s important not to dismiss her own feelings or brush aside harm just to keep the peace.

Later, I reminded all the kids that “sorry” isn’t about perfection, but about connection and acknowledgement.

For all of us cycle-breakers: what was “sorry” like in your childhood? Was it missing, shallow, or maybe even weaponised?

This week, I would like to encourage you to notice how you give and receive apologies and how you might offer yourself the repair you’ve always longed for. 🩵

With warmth and mindfulness,

Michelle Lim | Reparenting Coach

I help you break free from generational trauma and nurture a new cycle of emotional safety by reparenting your inner child.

P.S. Ready to explore whether reparenting coaching is right for you? Ready to break some generational trauma cycles?

Book a free 30-minute Healing & Growth Call. No pressure, just a heart-to-heart:

👉 Schedule here 🩵

Michelle Lim | Mother of 3 | Multi-Coach | Founder of The MindFull Parent | Writer | Preschool Educator | Babywearing Specialist | Breastfeeding Mentor

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