Part 2 - Unveiling Hidden Trauma: Navigating Love After Divorce!

Dear MindFull Parents,

I'm sitting at a dining table reminiscent of one from my past, and it's unearthed memories I thought I had locked away forever. Memories of when my parents once made me a reluctant judge, to witness their quarrels and to pick a side, all at the tender age of 12 or 13.

Why was I summoned, you ask? It was a battleground of parent versus parent, and I, a child, was expected to be an active participant in their adult conflicts. The weight of it all was crushing—uncomfortable, stressful, and traumatizing. However, this instilled a deep feeling of loss within me. It seemed that regardless of my contributions, ultimately, my voice held no power.

The emotions tied to this memory resurfaced unexpectedly, and I was taken aback by their intensity. I hadn't realized the profound impact this experience had on me—the fear it instilled, the pain it left behind. For decades, it had remained hidden in the recesses of my subconscious and long-term memory, until now, during my own healing journey with my husband.

In a way, this is a continuation of my previous newsletter, a follow-up to the story I shared. In retrospect, this was another painful chapter relived but also a lesson learned. I wasn't just healing from my childhood trauma; I was discovering the unwavering commitment never to subject our three precious children to such a harrowing experience as their parent figures. Children are just that—children. They shouldn't bear the weight of adult conflicts, never should they be coerced into taking sides or be made to bear the burden of their parents' selfish desires.

Let's not underestimate our children's intuition and emotional awareness. They may not intellectually comprehend everything, but they sense when something is amiss, when they are treated in a way that leaves them anxious and confused.

This message is dedicated to parents who find themselves at odds, whether married or divorced. You have no right to steal their innocence, to inject fear, or to poison their hearts in your pursuit of mind games with your (ex) spouse. And often, it's not even intentional; some parents fail to realize how damaging their behavior can be. They project their insecurities, even onto their own children, in a desperate attempt to feel better about themselves.

My journey of healing has reminded me that the past, while not always negative, can be a rugged road to navigate. It has also taught me the immense responsibility we bear as parents to protect and nurture our children's well-being.

Let us heal, let us grow, and let us ensure our children's futures are filled with love and support, not turmoil.

With warmth and mindfulness,

Michelle Lim | Founder of The MindFull Parent

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