Part 2 (The End): The boy who cried wolf, but this time it’s a girl.

Hello dear readers,

What Happened Next? Tears, Yelling, Anger, and a Long Talk…

(If you’re a little lost in this story, go back to last week’s newsletter to read part 1!)

Once again, I found myself catching Big A red-handed, sparking a storm of emotions and reflections. Read on to explore a recent challenging moment and a heart-to-heart conversation that unfolded.

Confronting her calmly at first, I witnessed a lie unfold, triggering a tempest within me. It's not about the consumption of sweets but the value of honesty—a cornerstone I aim to instill in my children.

In a moment of boiling frustration, I sent Big A to my bedroom, sparing her unnecessary embarrassment. Behind closed doors, I poured out my concerns, emphasizing the importance of trust in our relationship. Because even as a parent, I make it a habit to communicate with my children as much as possible about my daily actions and whereabouts.

I must confess, I was triggered, and the constant lying had pushed me to my wits' end. Eventually, I succumbed to the mounting frustration and erupted into a fiery outburst, confronting Big A about the disappointment she should feel in herself. I made it clear that I understood she wasn't lying intentionally to hurt me, but the repetitive nature of the lies stung. Expressing my hurt, I emphasized the significance of trust in the foundation of our relationship.

And of course, I beat myself up for having yelled at Big A.

Later that evening, my husband revisited the conversation with Big A, because he felt as if she already forgot what had played out earlier in the day.

Then something incredible happened right before bedtime.

Big A came up to me in our corridor and said “Mummy, can I talk to you please?” I said, “Yes, of course, in my bedroom please.”

Big A broke down a little and said the following: ”I feel so stupid for not being able to control my lying. When I want something so badly and then I need to lie about it. I don’t know how to stop it Mummy, but it feels so bad. Mummy, I am going to tell you something that’s going to hurt you. Papa always tells me to hide it from you or lie to you when he did something he wasn’t supposed to with us over the weekend.”

A brief silence fell and this is how I responded.

“First things first, thank you for being so brave and that you’re so open to talk with me. I really love these moments where we can have a heart-to-heart. Secondly, please don’t call yourself stupid because you are not. You’re a caring and loving person. Also, Mummy already knows that Papa teaches you these kinds of things. However, the fact that you know in your heart that this feels wrong and you can tell me that, makes you a brave person. I don’t need to teach you what is right and what is wrong, because your heart already knows it. Now, how can I support you to help you break the bad habit of lying?”

And so we spent a couple of minutes to figure out what would help Big A to kick the habit of lying. We created a partnership where Big A would feel like she was partly in charge of this process of improving herself for herself.

As the newsletter unfolds, I'll delve deeper into supporting children in breaking bad habits. Stay tuned for valuable insights on navigating influences beyond our homes.

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With warmth and mindfulness,

Michelle Lim | Founder of The MindFull Parent | Reparenting Life Coach

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