“It Doesn’t Have to Be Perfect”: A Reparenting Moment After the Holidays

Hello MindFull Readers,

And we’re back.

After a one-month break during the June school holidays here in Singapore, it feels both grounding and surreal to be back in the rhythm of things again. If you’re based in Singapore, I hope the past few weeks gave you some beautiful bonding moments with your family too.

We spent the month travelling through Australia and Indonesia, savouring slow mornings, stunning nature, and perhaps most precious of all, time spent truly unplugged.

Coming back to routines, daily school runs, and work-life balancing acts always takes a bit of re-entry effort for our family. Usually, we start easing back into early bedtimes a few days before school starts, just to help the kids reset and get mentally ready again.

This time, though, the return felt especially bumpy: both our girls had Chinese spelling tests almost immediately after term resumed. And let’s just say, that added a whole extra layer to our usual post-holiday adjustment.

Learning Looks Different for Every Child

I was genuinely grateful that Big A, our 9-year-old, has started to struggle a lot less with the Chinese language so revising with her was a breeze. But with Small A, who we suspect may have mild dyslexia, both English and Chinese spelling has been more of a mountain to climb.

To be honest, I also felt a wave of guilt because I hadn’t realised the test was so soon, and we only had a few hours to prepare. But something quietly powerful happened in the process of trying to overcome this little hurdle.

Small A and I studied together for a bit before her gymnastics class. She was tired, so we decided on a short nap break. While she rested, I quickly entered her Chinese spelling words into Skritter, a handy little app on her iPad that she could use on-the-go. (Let me know if you’d like to check it out I would be happy to share!)

After gym, dinner, and a whirlwind of post-holiday fatigue, she came home and said, “I want to do my spelling now.” She sat down and tried her best and made only 4 mistakes out of 33. I praised her for working hard, for learning how to learn. But when I gently went through her mistakes, she started tearing up. Her little shoulders tensed. Her lips trembled.

A Familiar Feeling I Knew Too Well

I asked, “Hey, what’s going on? You did really well, and I think you should be proud of yourself. It’s late and you need your rest, this is more than good enough.”

She replied firmly, through her tears, “No! I want to do it again! I’ll do my corrections and the whole spelling all over again.”

I paused. Part of me wanted to cheer for her grit. But another part of me, the part that remembered the lonely nights I used to spend forcing myself to study without encouragement, without warmth, knew I had to choose differently.

I reminded myself: Reparenting means breaking that cycle, not repeating it.

So I whispered to my inner child, we’re doing it differently now.

She tried again and still had two minor mistakes she couldn’t let go of. So I cupped her face gently and said: “My dear, it’s okay. You truly have tried your best with the limited time you had. I’m proud of your hard work and you should be too. You’ve got this. It doesn’t have to be perfect.”

She softened. We exchanged goodnights. Then she reached for a long, tight hug and whispered something I wasn’t expecting: “Thank you, Mummy, for always encouraging me. It really helps me.”

I hugged her back, eyes brimming, and whispered back, “Always.”

Takeaway Reflection

We don’t always realise how deep our children feel or how deeply they absorb our energy.

This night reminded me that encouragement doesn’t just fuel motivation, it becomes memory.

A felt memory of safety.

Of being seen.

Of being held through the messiness of learning.

And perhaps that’s what reparenting really is: not erasing our pain, but using it as a compass to love our children differently and in doing so, healing ourselves. 🩵

With warmth and mindfulness,

Michelle Lim | Reparenting Coach

I help you break free from generational trauma and nurture a new cycle of emotional safety — by reparenting your inner child.

P.S. Ready to explore whether reparenting coaching is right for you?

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