What is YOUR inner child’s love language?

Hello MindFull Readers,

Do you remember what last week’s newsletter was about? Here is quick refresher: What is your child’s love language and how to navigate that. There was a link in last week’s newsletter for a quick quiz that you could take to find out what your love language could be. If you missed it, here is the link one more time and take that quick quiz before you read on.

Last week we tried to understand our children and this week it’s going to be about us adults. Learning what our heart speaks is one of the most valuable things we can possess so that we can communicate them to our loved ones around and understand our feelings better as well.

I would like to lean on the surprising discovery I made with my husband. We read the book The 5 Love Languages - The Secret To Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman and at the end of the book somewhere there was a quiz as well to find out which love languages spoke the most to us. To my surprise, Acts of Services number 1 among the 5 love languages. I’ve always thought of myself as a self-sufficient person who was hyper-independent due to always having had to be extra strong throughout my childhood and first marriage and if I wanted to get something done I had to do it myself. Hence, my results from taking the love languages quiz showed Acts of Services as the top one.

Fast forward 4 years later and I found that my love languages shifted after doing a quick quiz again and reflecting upon it. Right now my top 3 love languages are Physical Touch, Quality Time and Words of Affirmation.

Why did it change?

What made it different for me right now?

How can I use this knowledge to better communicate with my husband?

How can I understand my needs better?

A ton of self-coaching questions popped up in my mind as I tried to learn new things about myself. Only to discover that my inner child has been seeking out these 3 love languages all along.

Physical Touch:

I always felt left out being the oldest daughter in the family and that the burden of taking care of the family fell upon me. I just wanted a big warm hug at times and someone to tell me that it was going to be ok, but I never really did receive any of that kind of affection that I was looking for to fill my love tank.

Quality Time:

Closely interlinked with being the oldest in the family, I had to grow up faster than my siblings which coupled with the complexity of a blended family and the constant strain on my mother’s and stepfather’s marriage fell heavy on me. There was never time for the children, because my parents were constantly tangled up in their quarrels and fights. All I wanted was some of their time even as I grew into my early teenage years and adolescence.

Words of Affirmation:

Rarely anything positive came out of my parents’ mouth about me and as a child that can be pretty devastating. Especially for a child who is naturally inclined towards being less self-secure. I was passionate about all the artsy stuff which included, drawing, painting and dancing. Right now as an adult, I want to say I was rather decent at it too and I deserved some acknowledgement from my parents for that. A simple, “You’re amazing you know? I love seeing you dance!” now and then would have gone a long way.

Have you found out what your love languages are? How do you make sure your needs are met through your love languages? Let’s have a chat about this topic, so please don’t be shy and let’s meet over a Discovery Call.

If you'd like to set up a free, 30-minute, no obligation, discovery call with me to explore whether I am the right Reparenting Life Coach for you then please don't hesitate to book a slot at this link https://calendly.com/michelle-lim-tmp/discovery-call.

With warmth and mindfulness,

Michelle Lim | Founder of The MindFull Parent | Reparenting Life Coach

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