How the Mother Wound Shaped My First Marriage

Hello MindFull Readers,

A woman with a mother wound will often end up with a man who cannot meet her emotional needs.

This was true for me—and I know I’m not alone.

If you’ve followed my journey over the past year, you’ll know I’ve shared about the warped and painful relationship I’ve had with my mother. What I didn’t fully understand until much later was how deeply that wound influenced who I chose as my first partner in marriage.

As a child, I learnt that love came with conditions. I had to put my mother’s needs first and mine last. I couldn’t express my truth without facing backlash—disapproval, criticism, or withdrawal. Over time, I internalised a belief that to love someone meant sacrificing myself. That tolerating emotional harm was just part of being loyal. That enduring abuse in any form was… normal.

That belief system followed me into adulthood. It made me the perfect match for a wounded man—someone whose emotional needs I unconsciously prioritised over my own. I became the fixer, the emotional caretaker, the stand-in mother. And in return? The love I received was conditional. Transactional. One-sided.

Eventually, I was left bitter, exhausted, and emotionally empty.

I also carried a paralysing fear of leaving. A voice inside me whispered that being needed was the only thing that gave me worth—and being alone meant I’d have to learn how to love myself.

If this feels familiar to you, I want to say something to the little girl inside of you:

She doesn’t need to shrink to feel safe. She doesn’t need to be needed to be worthy. And she certainly doesn’t have to tolerate being emotionally starved to prove she’s lovable.

When you begin speaking to that child with kindness, she begins to heal. And when she begins to heal, you begin to choose differently. You start to believe in relationships where your needs matter, where love feels safe and steady—not earned.

If this resonates with you and you’re ready to explore your own mother wound and how it’s shaped your relationships, you’re not alone. 🩵

I invite you to reply to this email, share your story, or book a free 30-minute Healing & Growth call with me. Let’s begin the journey together—from survival to self-worth.

With warmth and mindfulness,

Michelle Lim | Reparenting Life Coach - I help you transform your generational trauma cycle to become a positive generational cycle while embracing your inner child.

P.S. If you'd like to set up a free, 30-minute, no obligation, Healing & Growth Call with me to explore whether I am the right Reparenting Life Coach for you please book a slot at this link https://calendly.com/michelle-lim-tmp/healing-and-growth-call

_{If you have enjoyed my work and wish to support what I do, please consider buying me a coffee!}

_-Or-

🗞️👉 _{Refer your friends to sign up for the newsletter here!} 👈🗞️

_-Or-

💌 _{Send me an email at [email protected]} 💌

💡 For more useful tips and resources go to our website The MindFull Parent

_{(Under Development)}

Follow The MindFull Parent on Instagram, TikTok & Facebook!

You can also follow Michelle’s story about her chaotic yet loving parenting journey and other adventures on her personal Instagram.