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From “I Don’t Know” to Clarity: A Creative Approach to Parenting
Reframing questions can open the door to understanding your child’s inner world. Here’s how it worked for us.
Michelle Lim
November 18, 2024
Hello MindFull Readers,
When faced with a dilemma, how do you navigate it?
After exams wrapped up, we thought we’d cleared the toughest hurdle of the year. But life had other plans. Small A, our youngest who is 7-years old, was knocked down by a superbug—fever, chills, cough, and worst of all, no appetite. She wasn’t her usual bouncy self; instead, she was a little rag doll, flopped on the sofa. Watching her like that tugged at my heart.
November in our home is buzzing with competitions and year-end closures. This year is extra special for Small A—she’s got her very first gymnastics competition and a Brazilian jiu-jitsu tournament as well on her calendar. She was so excited when she signed up, but with her recovery still ongoing, I wondered how she’d feel about training again.
When her sparkle started to return this week, I gently asked:
Me: “Hey baby, how do you feel about gym training tonight?”
Small A: (Shrugs lightly, staring at me.)
Me: “Hmm, I really want to hear your thoughts.” (Smiling.)
Small A: “I don’t know. Yes and no?” (Looking a little defeated.)
We danced around this “I don’t know” for a while until it dawned on me: we needed a new approach. So, I tried something different.
Me: “You mentioned earlier yes and no to gym. I’d love to understand what they mean to you. If yes were an animal, what would it be?”
Small A: “A giraffe, because I kind of want to go.”
Me: “And no? What animal is that?”
Small A: “An elephant.”
Me: “Why those animals?”
Small A: “They’re my favourites!”
Ah, now I was getting somewhere. I reflected back what I’d learned:
Me: “You picked your favourite animals for both yes and no. It feels like you’re torn. You want to train because it’s important, but your body’s still recovering. Loving yourself right now might mean staying home to rest. Did I get that right?”
Small A: (Pauses, thinking deeply.) “That’s how I feel. I think it’s better for me to stay home and practise hard here.”
By reframing the conversation into something fun and approachable, I gained insight into her inner world. It also gave her a sense of ownership—she got to decide what her body needed most.
If you’re ever stuck in a similar moment with your child, try reframing the question. Tap into their creativity to help them articulate what’s on their mind. It worked wonders for us, and I’d love to hear how it works for you!
To all my Singaporean readers: Happy year-end school holidays! May you enjoy these precious moments with your loved ones.
With warmth and mindfulness,
Michelle Lim | Reparenting Life Coach - I help you transform your generational trauma cycle to become a positive generational cycle while embracing your inner child.
P.S. If you'd like to set up a free, 30-minute, no obligation, Healing & Growth Call with me to explore whether I am the right Reparenting Life Coach for you please book a slot at this link https://calendly.com/michelle-lim-tmp/healing-and-growth-call
Michelle Lim | Mother of 3 | Multi-Coach | Founder of The MindFull Parent | Writer | Preschool Educator | Babywearing Specialist | Breastfeeding Mentor
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