Hello MindFull Readers,

“I sacrificed everything for you! You owe me for all I’ve done!”

Have you ever been on the receiving end of words like these from a parent?

In many Asian families, phrases like this are all too common — rooted in cultural teachings passed down for generations. Confucian values, for instance, have deeply shaped East Asian perspectives on parent-child relationships. In Chinese, there’s a well-known proverb:

百善孝为先 (bǎi shàn xiào wéi xiān): Among hundreds of virtues, filial piety comes first.

In modern usage, filial piety is expressed as 孝顺 (xiào shùn) — meaning respect and obedience.

And while these proverbs may have begun with good intentions — to instil gratitude, respect, and duty — they’ve often been misinterpreted in ways that cause harm.

Because when obedience becomes more important than connection, when nurturing is withheld unless a child “repays” the debt of being born… it creates wounds that ripple through generations.

I remember this all too clearly.

Even though I was raised in The Netherlands, my mother — deeply shaped by her own upbringing in Asia — held tightly to these beliefs. And with her narcissistic traits woven in, it became a recipe for emotional confusion and pain.

“I ran away from Singapore for you. You’re so ungrateful.”

She would say this often. And even as a child, I knew it didn’t feel right. Why was I being blamed for the choices she made?

As I’ve walked my own healing journey, I’ve come to realise something radical:

🩵 Our children owe us nothing.

🩵 We owe them everything.

We chose to give them life. They never asked to be born.

And so, it’s our responsibility — not theirs — to do the work. To show up. To break the cycle.

And maybe you’re doing that too. Parenting your children while reparenting your inner child. It’s exhausting. Brave. And beautifully human.

We can hold reverence for where we came from, while still rewriting the story.

Let’s break the cycle — not to dishonour the past, but to build a future rooted in love.

With warmth and mindfulness,

Michelle Lim | Reparenting Life Coach - I help you transform your generational trauma cycle to become a positive generational cycle while embracing your inner child.

P.S. If you'd like to set up a free, 30-minute, no obligation, Healing & Growth Call with me to explore whether I am the right Reparenting Life Coach for you please book a slot at this link https://calendly.com/michelle-lim-tmp/healing-and-growth-call

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