Discipline or Trauma? The Hidden Impact of How We Raise Our Kids

Welcome back MindFull Readers,

What comes to mind when you read the above statement?

A metal ruler. A wooden ruler. Hands. A hanger. A belt. A cane.

What do these items have in common?

Exactly. They are often the tools of physical punishment. I’ve experienced at least five of them myself, and I can still remember how each one felt, both physically and emotionally. One moment that sticks with me to this day is the bruise on my thigh, shaped like a large hand. The skin was swollen around the outline of the hand, and the inside was deeply bruised.

We often shrug off these moments from childhood, laughing them away. But that’s a trauma response—a way to hide the pain or shame from those memories.

So why do adults hit their children?

It often comes down to misunderstanding. Adults sometimes misinterpret a child’s behaviour, assuming the worst: that the child is trying to provoke them, be disrespectful, or is intentionally disregarding them. In response, they resort to physical punishment to regain a sense of control.

But if we pause and think deeply, we parents are here to nurture our children, to create a safe space for them to grow—both physically and mentally. That means fostering a cooperative, loving relationship where we protect them, not harm them.

I experienced a lot of physical punishment and verbal abuse growing up, and it left me feeling powerless. Those feelings carried into adulthood, affecting my confidence and self-worth. That’s why I vowed never to hit my own children and to be mindful of the words I use with them.

What about you? Were you subjected to physical or verbal punishment as a child? How did it make you feel? And more importantly, what would you like to change for your children?

With warmth and mindfulness,

Michelle Lim

Reparenting Life Coach

I help you break the generational trauma cycle and support inner child healing.

P.S.: If you'd like to set up a free, 30-minute, no obligation, Healing & Growth Call with me to explore whether I am the right Reparenting Life Coach for you please book a slot at this link https://calendly.com/michelle-lim-tmp/healing-and-growth-call

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