Breaking the cycle of family obligation

Hello MindFull Readers,

Today I invite you to pause for a brief moment and to think about this:

We’re taught from a young age that “blood is thicker than water.” That family loyalty is sacred, and distance is betrayal. But what if the very relationships that shaped us are also the ones that keep reopening old wounds?

Growing up, I believed it was my job to hold my family together. I stepped into the referee’s seat far too young, smoothing over fights, absorbing the silence, trying to make everyone okay. I thought love meant staying, no matter how painful it was.

It took me years… And many tears… To realise that love and loyalty aren’t the same thing.

Sometimes, love looks like walking away. Sometimes, love means choosing yourself, even when it feels like abandoning the people who raised you, who grew up with you.

In healing, I’ve had to learn that boundaries aren’t rejection.

They’re recognition of what my nervous system can hold, of what safety really feels like, of what I want to model for my children. Because when we teach our kids that family automatically deserves access, no matter the cost, we teach them to silence their intuition. To confuse attachment with safety.

True family, whether chosen or given, are the ones who respect your boundaries, honour your growth, and make space for your truth.

If you’re in a season of distance or detachment right now, please know this:

You’re not ungrateful. You’re not cold. You’re reclaiming the right to safety that you never had.

As you go about your week, return to that question once more:

Who have you kept close out of family obligation, even when being around them feels uneasy and what might it look like to redefine love through safety instead? 🩵

With warmth and mindfulness,

Michelle Lim | Reparenting Coach

I help you break free from generational trauma and nurture a new cycle of emotional safety by reparenting your inner child.

P.S. Ready to explore whether reparenting coaching is right for you? Ready to break some generational trauma cycles?

Book a free 30-minute Healing & Growth Call. No pressure, just a heart-to-heart:

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